Unhealthy Generosity
A deep drive to give. Sacrificing and compromising all in the name of helping others, making others happy. But what is healthy generosity
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Human Nature and Criticism
Our role in feedback and criticism. Understanding and promoting a supportive environment goes to broader social systems and also goes right to the heart of ego.
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Communication has a lifetime
Communication is built from a lifetime of interactions and learnings. This article explores the parts of communication and how it plays a role in our important relationships
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Choosing thought
So I came across this great quote the other day about worry. That worrying about the things that haven’t happened is somewhat pointless. But it got me thinking about the information I come across in social and my training, that in the end a lot of it comes down to awareness and decisions about thought.…
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All the little steps
Goals… aspirations… happiness… unhappiness… there are a range of reasons and motivations that spark the desire for change in our lives. Often at some level we are aware that something needs to be different and sparks some energy to go find it. And I think most of those are really positive and healthy motivations, even…
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Values and purpose for happiness
Morning Gang! At some point in our lives we are challenged with finding happiness in some way shape or form. In what I have learnt and found personally, a lot of this all comes back to a single source. This post takes a first pass at some commonality and introduces a path improved happiness. Let’s…
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Stress Management
The hardest thing about writing about stress management is context. I have been working away on a stress management program for a while now and the recent increase in people seeking out ways to deal with stress has prompted me to finish it off. In this article I wanted to provide a bit of an…
Keep readingMaking Self-Care Stick
I was sure I wrote about this but perhaps it has just been sharing the mountains of information and articles already circulating. But there is a challenge with self-care I am noticing; the info and articles just touch the surface and rarely land in a way that creates solid change or technique. So I thought…
Keep readingYes you are right, I am being defensive
Is being defensive ok? This article is about emotional awareness on the source, some clarity on what it is and isn’t and some tips for people that use it disarm/disable you. Let me start off by first acknowledging that we all get defensive at times. When I think of someone calling me ‘defensive’, it brings…
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Who tells you you’re wrong?
From work to personal relationships, many studies suggest honesty and trustworthiness are among the top few traits we value most in others. Yet I think we struggle to be open to hearing it, and to share it with others. In this article I want to talk to finding people who are able to be truly…
Keep readingBeyond the spoken words
Let’s take a fresh look at the components of communication. As someone who has studied interpersonal communication, soft skills and more recently counselling over the 20yrs, I hope I can give you something new to consider here.
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Self-care Results
Hey gang 🙂 Travelling at the moment and can’t sleep so extra time for postings 🙂 You probably see regular articles providing tips and key things to focus on for your mental health and general well-being. I wanted to share some actual results (my results) from the past 4 weeks having taken a fresh focus…
Keep readingMen don’t talk – they drink
Short exploration into how we raise boys in a way that leads them to avoid help and adopt life shortening habits.
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When to change yourself?
I’ve been circling around this article for years to be honest… on a recent flight while skimming through my notes I finally spotted the various angles I had been thinking of, and now hopefully I have a clear enough view to convert them into something coherent and helpful. So here are the questions I kept…
Keep readingYou should be
A quick review on social expectations… normalcy and our responsibility to each other.
Keep readingSo what is counselling and therapy
So I recently did a bit of a deep dive on a few common psychotherapy approaches. I thought I would share some of that info to give people an idea about what counselling actually is. In particular this article will focus on CBT, which is provided via Medicare here in Australia and is quite popular…
Keep readingI still struggle with integrity
Not really with the definition…. but the intricacies of integrity and discernment challenge me constantly. Who is right, who is wrong? Is my integrity out of whack and needs adjustment? Or should I follow my path? I have come across a few interesting articles lately that have definitely tipped me in a certain direction… These articles talked about…
Keep readingSpeak Honestly
It seems to be a desired value, we are regularly encouraged to speak our minds. But should we? I tend to see the fullest and clearest displays of human values and emotions in movies and books. In our story telling we always seem to end up with the same range of characters, and it’s where…
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Nothing is as approved as mediocrity
“Nothing is as approved as mediocrity; the majority has established it and fixes it fangs on whatever gets beyond it either way.” – Blaise Pascal I hadn’t realised “tall poppy syndrome” was an Australian condition until doing a little research. Apparently similar concepts do exist around the world but they aren’t as pervasive as here…
Keep readingOur Narrative
The more I read the more weight I place on the impact and change possible in our lives from understanding and adjusting our own thinking. There is a major blocker to learning and applying Soft Skills. It’s not intelligence… it’s how you think about yourself. You may have read articles about ‘your narrative’ ??? Nearly…
Keep readingWho we are vs. can be
You may be familiar with childhood development theories that suggest who we are is defined by the age of 10yrs old. But what does that really mean… From what I have learnt there are a variety of theories and opinions which tend to generally agree that around the age of 10yrs old we have developed…
Keep readingBeing Told
You are 4 times more likely to commit to something you have chosen. Scott Keller (a director at McKinsey & Company) recently wrote an article for HBR [1] which summarises and builds on a very interesting experiment conducted and published back in the 80’s [2]. In this study 53 participants from two different companies thought they were participating in a…
Keep readingWhy are Soft Skills Important
This one should probably have been my first article. Let’s take a look at why Soft Skills are important and how you may benefit from developing them. No matter what your goal and whether it be immediate or longer term, I can assure you that Soft Skills will help you get there. How can I…
Keep readingUnprofessional behaviour from management
There are going to be times when the person you work for, or someone else higher than you in an organisation says or does something that you wouldn’t expect from a leader. This article explores the manager-subordinate relationship, expectations and techniques to work through those times. What is unprofessional behaviour? Some examples that come up…
Keep readingImproving your day – building equanimity
I learnt this practice a while back and have found it to be a very effective way of taking the day’s challenges as they come. The practice will assist you become more resilient and to remember that “this too will change” 🙂 Before you watch the video below, let me give you a little background. …
Keep readingSupporting stressed people
In the interest of helping you identify and then support your loved one, friend or colleague through the tough times. People don’t usually notice or associate stress based behaviour for what it is. Many of us put it down to people being weird, aggressive, stupid, quiet, egotistical, etc. In fact a great deal of that…
Keep readingIt’s a dog eat dog world
Its been almost three years now since my latest piece of learning first began. Three years, I must be a slow learner. You will have to excuse this post; a year ago I made a decision to move from general reflections and pondering to provide specific usable skills and information for others. This article is…
Keep readingCommunicating around death and dying
Our dealing mechanisms are varied and the importance of friends and family through these times can’t be undervalued. What Soft Skills are required when someone you know is dealing with death. Clearly we all want to be inspired and have positive outlooks, I also believe strongly in positive thinking brings positive outcomes. I have personally…
Keep readingFirst Impressions
Let’s dig a little deeper into first impressions,what makes up this ‘first impression’, what control you have over it and things you can do to ensure it is the right impression. I don’t think there is a right or wrong impression.Everyone has there own story and therefore a somewhat unique impression they choose to leave…
Keep readingComplainers
Complainers. We’ve all been unhappy, but when you are on the receiving end, when is it time to call it quits? Thanks for suggesting this one [anon], it is a great topic! Love it. I think the appeal to me about this topic is that I can absolutely assume that we have each been on…
Keep readingWhat about you?
How do you view the world? What are your default responses or reactions? What do you expect of others? Of yourself? Can you spot the signs of your own happiness and stress? Do you know the affect you have on others without trying? For many of us, the first thoughts that spring to mind when…
Keep readingBody Language
Communication is made up of many things and you may be surprised to learn that verbal communication is estimated between 20-50% of all communication. That is what we hear or say is not even half the message being sent or received. Here’s a quick overview on what to look for and how to apply it.…
Keep readingFriends at Work
Soft skills are more than just a collection of techniques; they also subtly incorporate ways of thinking and perspectives. Forming friendships at work requires skill and appreciation of why it’s important for you and others. Generally, the same skills and thinking apply in much the same ways to our personal lives and our work lives.…
Keep readingMotivating others – a personality perspective
Different things drive different people. Neuroscience suggests that in fact it’s a combination of six core things. Let’s take a look at what they are along with a few wider principles. I’ve been trying to find an angle on the ‘motivating people’ topic for a while, it is a pretty wide topic with lots of…
Keep readingGiving Feedback
Feedback like nearly everything else you will read on this site needs to come from an honest interest in helping the person (I think a mantra is starting to form). If that is your goal then you are already halfway to providing good feedback. Here are some other tips that can be used with the…
Keep readingBuilding resilience
Here’s a great article from Daniel Goleman on using mindfulness to build resilience against challenging situations, people and stress in general. http://danielgoleman.info/2011/05/04/resilience-for-the-rest-of-us/ The mindfulness practice has a long and solid history not covered in this article but as a practitioner I can definitely swear by the results. Daniel also draws our attention to the amygdala…
Keep readingThe consultative leader problem
This is a classic stumbling block for many leaders.Whether you are new to leadership or a relatively old hat it seems common that a lot of people miss the mark on when to consult people and when specify. Leaders that specify 99.9% of the time still achieve good results, especially if they are leading in…
Keep readingPerformance Reviews
What is the purpose of performance reviews? This is first question everyone should ask themselves before setting targets and conducting or eceiving a review. Properly understanding the purpose is key to getting the desired outcome. Here is a few interesting facts about performance targets and feedback; 1) Most people are harsher on themselves than any evaluator.…
Keep readingNaikan
Came across Naikan this morning, a relatively simple activity which has studies supporting its benefit to significantly improving happiness. The simplicity, quick duration and proven results make it a pretty appealing practice. Results included awareness of other’s viewpoint, feelings of love, appreciation of life and sense of fulfillment. Performed daily the Naikan practice is…
Keep readingSymbols of Leadership
Leadership, team building, goal setting, people skills etc activities are pretty common place in many businesses these days.In different shapes and forms companies invest time and money into them to be the best and provide the best for their employees. Traditionally, at least in my experience, these leadership activities are performed using the same fundamentals…
Keep readingOn Generosity
Definitions – Generosity: readiness or liberality in giving. – Altruism: the principle or practice of unselfish concern for or devotion to the welfare of others. At first glance generosity seems like such a simple concept and is pretty easy to define. However there seem to be a few challenges around generosity that have captured my…
Keep readingWhere is your company going?
Three articles and a podcast have come together lately to re-enforce the need to provide people with purpose. The other day I was reading an article on entrepreneurs; a key trait in them is that they like to create and build. It went on to say that not all people are oriented this way and…
Keep readingNonviolent communication
Have you been through one or more of those communication courses where they teach you all about “”I feel this when such and such happens”” ? Rather than judgments, accusations etc like “”You always ignore me!””. Here’s an enhancement to that approach which takes it down a level or two. I have found it to…
Keep readingPart of the team
Lately I have been speaking with a few people on what is probably best described as team dynamics. In poorly performing teams the result for you may be confusion on where you sit in the team, arguments/disagreements with certain members or perhaps just annoyance at the attitudes or behaviours of those in your team. And…
Keep readingThe gentle art of hearing
I came across this video this evening and I wanted to post it up because I think one of the messages it contains is key to life coaching. Humanity is about seeing and supporting each other, without support life can become really difficult. And conversely, with support life can be a lot more satisfying. This…
Keep readingYour cup is full
Are you open to learning? Once, a long time ago, there was a wise Zen master. People from far and near would seek his counsel and ask for his wisdom. Many would come and ask him to teach them, enlighten them in the way of Zen. He seldom turned any away. One day an important…
Keep readingThe animal within
I can still vividly recall my teenage years… my family and mates most clearly… snippets of the surfing trips, the parties and the girls. And in the years since then I have known many men at various stages of life; with children, recently married, married 20yrs ago and many middle age and older. I’ve travelled…
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Sila Horizon 